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Guardian AngelI have a pop vinyl figure of Castiel
the angel, my favorite character
from the TV show Supernatural,
perched on the left most side
of my bed frame, standing there proudly.
I often refer to him as my guardian angel
when he hangs out with me in the day
and puts me to sleep each night.
But interestingly enough, I met
a real angel the other night, on a walk
through Missoula’s Bonner Park.
I noticed a small tuxedo cat
across the street, and went to say hi.
I held out my hand and the cat
came immediately, scrambling onto
my shoulder, then into my arms
with complete joy, no hesitation.
She (I think it was a girl, I never
properly found out) was dreadfully skinny,
on the verge of starvation, probably.
I felt every rib and every dull ridge
of her spine through her dirt caked fur,
and when she purred her whole frame
shuddered weakly, like a loose wire mannequin
on the very last legs of collapse.
Despite this, she cuddled happily,
bright eyes glowing as I scratched her ears.
I held her head
Perfect MomentMy cat, Emo, lounges in the summer grass,
stark black and fluffy white, the pink
of his nose against the dusty green
and piss yellow of the farm worn weeds
in the crowded yard, bursting with old cars,
chicken eggs, splintered wood,
goats that won’t shut up and the children
bustling in and out of the house.
Duncan and I are ignoring them,
sitting on the cracked porch steps,
and Emo, once he’s sprawled
his thin body into a comfortable line,
is relaxed, closing his eyes into slits
while he softly purrs in the sunshine.
We don’t have to hold him or pick him up
because he’s already content to be near us.
We three are together and he is happy,
and is the most beautiful thing
I have witnessed all summer long
in that moment.
The FallYou took what I thought was
the crisp, ripe peach of our friendship
and tore it apart with savage teeth.
I wonder what it tasted like
at the time, if you rejoiced
in ripping me to pieces
as I stood at a complete loss
for how to help you, how to get
through to you, and what I did
to deserve such hostility.
I hear you tried to apologize.
Tearfully, in fact, trying to get me
to answer the phone, all day.
That doesn’t sound like you at all
but if it’s true, I didn’t receive the calls or texts
because I blocked your number.
After much thought for a course
of action, I found my heart
was too tired of that particular strain,
the one where I give you my all
as a friend and you just look at me
as something to put up with, even if
you say you love me.
I guess this past spring
wasn’t the season for peaches,
because they all grew hard and stiff
and before I knew it I found myself
biting into stone.
Summer Night SongHalf past midnight I draw up the blinds
and open the window to a playful wind,
cool and inviting.
The sound of it crashing through the trees
like ocean waves on the tide
is the lullaby that lulls me to sleep.
The busy rustling of rabbits
and calm burn of jasmine incense
lets me know that all will heal
and give way to morning.
Southern UtahAs a child I was sewn from sparse trickles
of dry riverbeds, sandstone sediments, and deep
soul searing heat.
And I find to this day I’m a product of rust red sand
that burns my blood, skin, and the soles
of my feet.
My native land, ravaged with desert thunder
and flash floods, is a fragrant valley of memories
old and fresh.
If one has never felt the heart-skittered feeling
of love, they need to spend some time
in southern Utah.
Lightthrough your lighthearted humor
and rich, charismatic laugh
I am drawn to laugh with you
and made happy.
because of your damn good taste
in music, I have songs that pulse
with power and make me dance
away my pain.
through your deep, magnetic voice
with a flow like liquid steel
negativity flees away
and I listen.
because your light comforts me
on restless days and chilling nights
I can say, with love,
you’re my hero.
You're worth so much moreShe was the type
to cut her wrists,
and then swallow the
because looking at what
was even harder
but I want to tell her
to let the emotions
p i l
out of her mouth,
instead of her
and that I'll gladly
let the words slice me,
if it means
I Tear My Skin AwayI Tear My Skin Away
I tear this skin from my body,
Even if the world screams,
That I am only an illusion.
I tear the bones from my legs,
Through pain, I will grow,
Through suffering, I will become.
I rip the muscles from my arms,
These teeth from my jaws...
And with nothing upon me,
I carry on...
Like a broken puppet, still shivering,
Still forcing its way through the darkness;
I tremble for I am nothing...
And yet, I am moving. My voice still screams...
I draw breath into these tired lungs,
As I rip the flesh away...
And I shatter these mirrors before me,
With a voice that will not break:
Because the world cannot label me as nothing,
And I will live for my own sake!
"So tell me, is that all the pain you've got for me?"
A note for people who need a kind wordJust a note,
For anyone who has felt,
Like they have been broken.
Just like an old toy.
Thrown and tossed around like a rag doll.
To anyone who feels,
They re tearing at their seams.
And they re losing all control.
A note to the little girl,
And waited for her mother.
Or her father.
To come back home,
To keep her safe,
While she cried.
Or to at least of said goodbye.
And wishes they d come back and tell her,
A note to the lonely boy.
So quiet and reserved.
Who sits and takes their cruel words.
Thinking it s what he deserved.
To be thrown into lockers,
And thinking he can find something better,
With the company of a razor,
Rather than a human.
Because humans have caused him more hurt,
Than the blades that pierce his skin.
A note to the beautiful girls.
Who walk for miles,
Until they have blisters on their feet.
Because they will not accept the defeat,
Of having to see numbers,
That tell them they are not worthy.
They are not pretty.
And they should not be living.
If they c
You're beautifulPlease eat.
Are you listening to me?
If you are,
I want to tell you.
You re beautiful.
It doesn't matter what you weigh,
you shouldn't feel guilty about what you ate.
It doesn't matter,
I promise you things will get better.
Listen to my words,
Hold my hand.
Don't worry about the rest of the world,
It's okay if they don't understand,
How it feels like,
To feel fat,
To feel ugly,
To feel worthless.
You are none of those things.
It s okay to be chubby,
It s okay to be skinny.
Because you have a big heart.
And your smile,
Is like a priceless work of art.
And I don't want to see you destroy,
Because you're more than just a broken toy.
And to everyone else,
So for once let yourself be,
Accept your reflection.
Because you are the definition of perfection.
So don't worry,
Don't be sorry,
To be who you are.
Because you re,
notes on a matchbook love.if I were the type
to say how I really felt,
I'd tell you that
I hope you choke on your apologies
like they're arsenic
and your nails are already
with the poison.
I'd let you know
that I'll never be a body
for you to touch
just because I know that's all you want.
I'll never be a fairy in a bottle
at your waist.
this is no storybook, and
I am no myth.
hear my silence,
feel the cold absence
respond to your weak "I'm sorry"s.
I beg you,
stop digging the hole,
stop, just stop.
Hush and watch the flames
engulf the image you sold me.
you can tell me
I'm beautiful as much
as you want,
but I know that it's not enough,
that you'll always want more,
that you've been a wolf
between my legs all this time
and my fingers are bruised
from holding the leash.
now every time you whisper
"please be okay",
I will always tell you that
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
I will forever pretend
that I've grown up from you,
that I've become a mystery
What is Hope?Hope is something we have as children,
It helps us thrive and try our hardest.
Hope is what we express in the worst of times
When all hope seems lost.
Hope is what people possess in life
To work toward our dreams.
Hope is a lie
That's not worth our time.
AnxietyAnxiety tapping on my door,
"Can I come inside your head?"
I shiver, not ready for its visit.
It charges in, smelling of worry.
Spends a morning, afternoon and night,
playing with my emotions.
A marionette dancing its old tune on rough strings.
Leaves me winded and praying to beat it the next time.
I Know You're Strong, Let's Be Stronger TogetherI Know You're Strong, Let's Be Stronger Together
if i’m being completely honest,
i can’t say i know what you’re goin’ through.
and if i’m being frank,
i’m sort of afraid to write this
because i’ve always been unsure
if i love too much but it’s my nature
and i’d rather lose by trying too hard
than to do so without doing enough.
i hope you’re asleep now
and i hope you don’t read this
till the morning and i hope by then
things will be a little lighter
but i’m hoping against hope
because if you don’t know,
i feel when things are off.
call it intuition, call it a feelin’,
say i just know it.
my friend, my door is always open
even when you’re feeling closed
off to the world and right there,
i can understand that feeling well,
because i still feel we relate to one another
better than most brothers understand their sisters.
know i look at you as a sibling
and i believe we know when the other
I miss youYou are a ghost in my head
Living, yet you haunt my thoughts today
To speak your name
Would be to desecrate this space
Where you are, I should not care to know
But you are a never-healing wound
An unfulfilled promise
A chance to do no wrong
My memories burn with your taste, your touch, your smell
Who have I become?
Too long have the years been to me
To find myself wishing for the crossroads
For the chance to say no, one more time.
For KelseyMy dearest friend:
you’ve made me smile when I’ve never wanted to again
with full grins of your own that burst with glow like small planets
or Japanese lanterns, lit with incense for luck.
You know, I’ve overheated
to supernova at times, like when you sweetly took my hands
in yours and kissed me quick after a soft, slow dance
that you wrapped me into, eyes sparkling.
You’re always warm as the richest of local honey, blushing
and dripping off the ends of our tea spoons.
Thank you, darling,
for taking me into your soothing love so completely,
complementing me like lavender to hot water, even when
I’m difficult. Every woman should be so lucky
to come upon such a bright, bouncing star
in her ever open expanse of deep night sky.
hey newton, gravity's flawedi.
starting anew from the flutter
and the sputter of lungs.
a vacant sea filled with feathers
and tumultuous clatter,
ribs in a treacherous pattern
resembling exiting rungs.
i want to wrestle the angels,
your tendency is the ladder.
involved with full indiscretion,
trading lazy for lace.
unspool the curse of the long-
limbs in a languorous flexion
i like the stab of the ankles,
you need the curves intersected.
opting to cull my extents
with trans-dimensional vigor.
spent my dysphoric corrections
on reconnecting lax ends.
lips in a spurious accent
feign a passionate rigor.
i tie myself to the anchor,
you extricate and ascend.
5:20i went to the forest
to purify my lungs
then i saw the thick
three letter scar
i left in a slender
birch, and wondered how
i could let you poison
another living thing.
moths aren't afraid of pins
till they're stuck to a piece of styrofoam.
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More